Why am I doing this?

It seems a simple enough question – 'why have you decided to volunteer for three months in Tanzania?' But it's a conversation I approached with some dread prior to leaving the UK. It is awkward to say 'I can't really explain and I don't really know what I will be doing there yet.' Thankfully after many years of vague ambition my actual plans came together very last minute so I didn't have to face it too many times. But now I've been here for six weeks I really ought to be able to answer the question properly.

The first challenge is trying to vocalise a deep instinctual drive to someone who doesn't share it. It's like trying to explain your general wanderlust to someone who has no desire to travel, or a strong maternal impulse to someone who doesn't feel it. Except people rarely ask you to justify why you travel or why you choose to have kids. (My sympathy to those who choose NOT to have kids who will spend a lifetime being asked about their decision.)

Perfect Vision mamas at work on various tasks while waiting for traditional banana with beef stew to be served

Asking why I've chosen to volunteer abroad is a question that – whether it is intended to be or not – feels loaded to me with concerns about the volunteer tourism industry, and understandably so. My discomfort in facing this question is in no small part because I too am wary of its pitfalls. The last thing I want to do is be part of 'colonialism part two.' But in the end I think, as is often the case, some flaws and specific horror stories do not render the entire system wrong.

Hearing about orphanages where the children actually have families who have been enticed to give up their kids for the money of tourists who pass through to help out for a week or two, is of course horrifying. But does that mean there is never an appropriate situation for international volunteers to work with children? – no. And I think perhaps I was too quick to discount working with children over these fears. But nevertheless I found the perfect placement for me and there are many reasons why I think overall it is a force for good.

I took the opportunity to join the animal care volunteers on a weekend trip providing 400+ dogs with vaccinations against rabies

The location choice – Arusha, Tanzania and the programme choice – women's empowerment, were actually both rather random. When the timing finally worked for me to go, I looked at the limited options available during COVID and chose what I felt most inspired by and thought I would have the most to offer in. It's another thing that perplexes some bystanders – I really had little preference what country I went to or specifically what I would do (which is just as well as it's hard to find out day to day specifics in advance). All I wanted was to go somewhere very very different to my life in England/ Australia and a place where there was great need that I could help with hands-on in some way.

But there were still some very important questions to be satisfied – firstly, that wherever I went the programme was locally run by native people. Although I booked through a distant organisation called International Volunteer Headquarters (IVHQ) – the operation on the ground is run by a company called Tanzania Volunteer Experience (TVE). The directors are local women who hire local staff. And you know that the bulk of the money you pay goes to people here to feed, house and advise you (the admin and programme costs are separated for clarity).

Mama Happy has had an incredibly hard life but her enduring spirit is inspiring

The specific placement I was assigned is also headed up by a local hero. Mama Happy set up Perfect Vision at the beginning of this year inviting battling local women to join the group supporting each other and the local community. Many – like Mama Happy – are HIV positive – a big problem and source of shame here, but they also live with extreme poverty and many other hardships, with several having been the victims of rape.

My first task is teaching English and any other gaps I find in the very limited education of some of the women. I have a member of the group who acts as a translator and at first I wondered what was the point of me teaching English if she could do it? But soon I realised that most of the women know far more English than they let on at first. They say local people laugh at them if they get it wrong. So what I am helping them with is not basic vocabulary but learning how to put sentences together in a way that will make them confident to have fluent conversations with foreigners. Really it's all about confidence. As much as I admire my translator for her great skill (she speaks a number of languages) even she has certain gaps to learn. English is a sign of status here – Swahili is the language of lower education, while English is the language of higher education. The better your English, the better job opportunities you have. I find the idea that locals have to learn a foreign language to get ahead in their own country very frustrating, but nevertheless it is true.

The joy is palpable and warms your heart

Ultimately some of the most impactful things I can do involve spending money. I accompany the mamas on home visits to the sick and struggling and bring basic supplies to support them. The mamas check they are getting the medical help they need (as much as they can do) and bring a message of hope of life beyond illness to the many people living with HIV here. These visits appear to mean a lot – perhaps simply because we are not shunning them for their illness which is still a big problem here.

I also pay the mamas to make reusable pad sets for girls here who can't afford to buy sanitary products. When we go out to schools to teach them about their menstrual cycle and give out the pads, we hear of girls using newspaper, used question sheets or leaves out of desperation. The first challenge is trying to break the stigma that stops them asking for the help they desperately need.

The girls jump at the chance to get their hands on safe and free sanitary ware

Before I left England it was hard to say it with confidence, but now I can – I think the whole system set up for us does have an overwhelmingly positive effect. Some people say that volunteers should just send money to an established international charity instead or that we should focus on charity at home. But this relativism seems to be very sporadically applied to me. We don't say we shouldn't donate to animal charities because cancer charities exist. We don't slam fun fundraising events because people could just donate directly. Like anything else, volunteer tourism is just one of many options that gets people involved. Honestly being able to see the impact of my money first hand inspires me to spend a vast amount more than I would ever spend on one cause from a distance. The money I am spending on my flights and travel is not taking away from money I would normally give to charity – it was specifically saved for this purpose, and might otherwise be spent on non-volunteer travel.

I have some amazing travel opportunities while I'm here too

It is true that the dedication of volunteers varies. Some end up focussing much less on their placement than I think is ideal – missing days because they were out clubbing late on a week night or getting carried away booking trips that fills much of their short time here. But while less than ideal – I still think on the balance their presence is a positive. Ultimately their money is still going into supporting the overall set-up, providing decent jobs for those who work for TVE and to those in the tourism industry here whose incomes have been shattered by COVID. And of course many other volunteers dive into their various placements with the deepest of sincerity and really make a difference directly too.

I understand concerns about 'white saviourism' which is why I'm so glad to be a helper of locally-run programs and why I think it is important to stay humble and try to challenge local perceptions of white people being all-knowing when it arises. (If you don't know something admit it – I often find myself reminding people that I'm not a doctor!) But everywhere I go I am treated to the warmest of welcomes. I'm yet to come across anyone who seems anything other than very happy for volunteers to come. So if critics decided they know what's better for Tanzania than Tanzanians – well if anything that would be what's colonial-minded!

My Tanzanian mama Liz dressed in a traditional Maasai outfit for her daughter's 'send-off'

Then there are those out there who will shout out that we shouldn't create 'dependency.' I would ask those people to think very carefully about their mentality behind that accusation. I think sometimes it can be convenient to think it's better not to intervene, but I don't think that is the case most of the time. I do try to focus on things that will have a lasting impact like keeping girls in school by helping them manage – and not feel ashamed of – their periods. I'm glad to be working with local people who will carry on supporting each other and their community as much as they can when I'm gone until future volunteers fill my spot.

But ultimately the charge of 'creating dependency' baffles me. Who is truly independent? I'm not. I'm dependent on the good fortune of my birth – on decent affordable healthcare being made available to me – on food shipped in to my local supermarket. The only people who could be truly independent would be subsistence farmers who buy nothing from anybody else – and I'm not sure any of those actually exist. If the choice is between 'making them dependent' or letting the world's poorest die of starvation – well in my eyes that's no choice at all. Would you stand by while your neighbour starved?

The connections are deep and special - this is my beautiful dada Witness

In the end the bottom line is that I have never tried to say my actions are entirely altruistic – there are few things in life that can be entirely so. In fact I go out of my way to try to get people to understand that they are not. From the start I fully expected I would get a lot out of this trip. I would be concerned by anyone talking about a volunteer trip as a 'sacrifice' – it's not – it's an immense privilege to be able to afford the time and money to do this and a truly amazing experience. My basic purpose in doing my research before booking this trip was never 'is this objectively the best way to donate x amount of money?' – it was 'will this trip at least do more good than harm?'

Since I have been here it has been a great joy to feel that I am being part of something making a real difference in individual lives. Of course I'm not 'saving Africa' but I am part of brightening the days of specific suffering Tanzanians right in front of me and really I can't think of a more rewarding way to spend my money. I am blessed to be bathed in the disproportionate joy and gratitude over my modest assistance. I also get to be embedded in a totally foreign community – to truly see behind the scenes and be part of a deep cultural exchange. I learn new things every day – some are very confronting but all are fascinating. I get to see my own life from an entirely different perspective too – and I think perhaps I am truly content with it for the first time. I'm living with a local family and have been totally adopted. On the weekend I attended a send off (pre-wedding event) and was there for traditions that only family members get to see. What an immense privilege! And of course this is all combined with travel opportunities – I have factored in time to explore this beautiful country.

So did I make the right decision? Yes, without any hesitancy or doubt. I knew almost immediately upon arriving in Tanzania that this is one of the most amazing things I have ever done – and probably ever will do. Aside from marrying a man who champions my dreams enough to encourage me to do this – it may just be the best decision I have ever made.